Najib Razak : Turning Of The Screw

najib razak

By: B. Goode

Any day now, the world’s biggest known kleptocrat, the man of steal himself, will be arrested.

If that happened, many people might be asking : What took them so long?

To know the answer is to know the one who is now gleefully turning the screw; Mahathir Mohamed.

Mahathir Mohamed did not become the longest serving Malaysian PM (22 years) by being simple-minded. And now to come out from retirement to lead a gang of disparate parties, whose leaders; Anwar Ibrahim, Mat Sabu and Lim Kit Siang were once incarcerated by him, and to do the near impossible by defeating Najib in the election is simply sensational. That was definitely not an achievement by a simpleton.

To put it bluntly, Mahathir Mohamed is a scheming bastard. The very reason why Singapore leaders had and are having a hard time with him. He could, if he wanted to, put all of them in his pocket except of course the late Lee Kuan Yew. But I digress…

When asked, Mahathir Mohamed said that Najib would be handled according to the rule of law. That’s Mahathir-speak for `I’m gonna fatten him up for the slaughter.’

So whilst Najib sang and danced like a dunce thinking that he was still the Teflon King of Malaysia, Mahathir sharpened the knife and cleaned the chopping block.

https://www.thestartv.com/v/najib-and-rosmah-sing-songs-at-hari-raya-party

First to go was the Attorney-General. And then, in quick succession and almost simultaneously, out went the Chief Justice, Head of the Appeals Court, the Chief of the anti-corruption agency, the Central Bank Governor, the heads of the ROS and EC; practically every route that Najib could utilize to wriggle his way out was shut. And the civil servants were warned to be loyal to the government of the day.

Once all that was in place, slowly but surely, Mahathir began to turn the screw tight. One after another, the nature of Najib’s misdeeds was made known to the public. It was a typical Mahathir’s modus operandi; trial by media to sway public’s opinion against his target reminiscence of his fight against the Royals and against Anwar just to name two. And on both occasions, he came up tops and there was nothing to suggest that he would not win again.

This is not to say that Najib does not deserve every ounce of punishment coming his way. It is one thing to raid the country’s coffer, but if proven right, to also raid funds meant for the poor, orphans, pilgrims and to sell lands and infrastructure to foreign powers just to satisfy his extravagant lifestyle and to bribe his way to remain in power is simply pure evil. And to do so with the smugness and without remorse of a man who knows no bounds, is beyond every fiber of human decency.

The world is watching to see justice being served. And for justice to be served, if it is served, in the hands of the father of all schemers, Mahathir, will make it even sweeter. It is like the satisfaction of seeing a robber being robbed by another robber. Or a rapist getting his ass raped in his prison cell.

Najib the schemer getting schooled by the master schemer himself. There can never be a better ending than that surely.

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Trump – Kim Summit : Cirque Du So Lame

circus

By: B. Goode

So, $20 Million is the cost that we taxpayers will have to bear for the Trump-Kim summit. That’s equivalent to about 2 trillion rupiah. Dafug!

And for what?

If we were to believe the government’s official selling point, it was for world peace. Stop sniggering Kim….Kardashian!

Firstly, the world has never been more peaceful. Apart from small pockets of insurgency in Africa and the Middle-east, everyone else is too busy to make money to bother about killing each other.

Secondly, if it was really for world peace, why were we the only suckers in the world to subsidize this? What happened to the other countries in the world especially South Korea and Japan that would benefitted most from a de-nuclearized Pyongyang? Shouldn’t they at least offer to pay for Kim’s double kingsize bed?

Thirdly, if we want to talk about future peace, well let’s put it this way:

In one corner, we have Donald Trump whose policy flip-flops are more famous than Croc’s. Here is a guy who has threatened to tear every single treaties and MOUs ever signed by the US from the environmental pact to the Iran nuclear deal to NAFTA to all the trade deals with China, EU, Canada, Mexico and Timbuktu to the defence treaties with Japan, Korea and Taiwan to whatever else. You name it he will want to change it. But the next day, he will say the exact opposite. Who in the world would want to trust someone as bipolar as an algae-encrusted Innuka? I’d trust Miss Universe more.

Then we have Kim Jong Un in the other corner. How could someone who could not even afford to pay for his stay in Singapore be a threat to world peace? It beggars belief.

Oh ok so he has a nuclear device. But a nuclear device is useless without a way to deliver it to its target. Knowing the North Korean technology, the nuclear missile meant for Hawaii would end up In Pyongyang. And for a country to be a nuclear power, it would need more than one or two nuclear warheads. The manufacturing, maintaining and storing of a nuclear warhead is very much like that of an onion. After six months, the nuclear materiel in the warhead would be rendered useless because of its radioactive nature. Thank God for google.

Min Shanmugam mentioned about North Korea’s capability to send a nuclear missile directly to Singapore. Really? Why would Kim waste a missile on us? And would China allow an unstable regime to have the missile capability to travel all the way to Beijing and beyond? But please don’t blame Min Shanmugam for his ignorance. He is still my favourite Minister. But he is just a trained lawyer after all.

Another excuse for hosting THE glamorous event of the century was put forward by PM Lee. It would increase Singapore’s standing in the world. Yup that’s right. Singapore is a backwater country that no one has ever heard of…..

He also mentioned that we have never asked for it. Oh really? If he really wasn’t that hardup, why would he send Vivian Balakrishnan to Washington and Pyongyang to grovel and plead?

Let’s put it this way. Had the summit been held in Geneva, would the Swiss government be this bothered?

PM Lee also said that it showed the close relationship we had with Washington and Pyongyang. Look. If he wants to be cosy and buddy-buddy with the murderous leader of despotic regime, so be it. Don’t get all of us involved.

So all the reasons are merely lame excuses to hide the real motive and that is the government is like a starry-eyed teenager who cannot pass on the opportunity to meet the Beatles. It is all about the glamour.

If I were the government, if I was asked for the reason for hosting this event, I’d just shrug my shoulders and say:

Because WE CAN!

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Singaporeans Throwing Tantrums When Mahathir Scraps HSR : Justified?

tun

By: B Goode

When Mahathir scrapped the multi-billion dollar scam High Speed Rail (HSR) project, some of us went full retard.

Who can blame us? We are Singaporeans. We went full retard on an innocent BMW driver ffs.

Our emotions ranged from that of a jilted lover : “ Meh. We don’t fancy her anyway.”

To a petulant child throwing his toys out of the pram : “Mahathir is an asshole!”

To downright stoopid : “Singaporeans will not go to JB and KL to shop liao.”

To calm and collected : Me.

I am no fan of Mr Ten Percent. I am no fan of the shameless kleptocrat either. Less we forget, they are both cut from the same cloth. But just because a thief says something is good doesn’t mean it is bad and vice versa.

Fact of the matter is, inflated or not, Malaysia has a debt of RM1 trillion. If you were to write one trillion in numerical form, it would circumvent Rosmah’s waist three times over. It is that YUUUUGE!

So Mahathir decided to cancel the HSR project because simply put, Malaysia doesn’t have the money. Remember when PM Lee cancelled the second phase of gardens-by-the-bay? Same reason.

Considering the fact that Singapore – KL is already being served by an efficient, cheap and still with a lot of rooms to grow air link, the HSR project can be seen simply as an over-the-top glitzy project to line the pockets of Najib and his cronies and Rosmah’s Birkin bags with cold hard cash. And knowing Najib, it could even be a means to launder money. Of course we do not have the facts. But Mahathir now does and this is something that we forget.

Anyway at the end of the day, it is their government, it is their money, it is their politics, it is their life, it is their future. It is them. Only thing we can do is to grab some popcorn and watch as the drama unfolds.

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Maliki Osman And The Shifting Goalposts

maliki

By: B. Goode

Apparently Snr Minister of State Maliki Osman has unilaterally decided for himself to be the voice of the Millennials. Not only did he believe to know the aspirations of the millennials, he also did it in typical ministerial fashion; with such faux-conviction that ironically, even the millennials couldn’t understand wtf he was trying to say.

Dude. You are already 53 years old. You are way, way past the millennial stage that you are now smacked in the middle of the uncle generation.

Damn uncles. Always telling `em youngins what to think.

In the recent parliamentary debate, without batting an eyelid and without a shred of empirical data, Uncle Maliki happily announced that the millennials no longer dreamt of attaining the 5Cs; cocks, cu…err sorry. Wrong Cs. They still dream of that, I am sure.

5Cs :  Cash, Car, Credit card, Condominium and Country club.

Hello uncle! There is a big difference between not wanting something because you have changed your desires, and not wanting something because you know that it is impossible to possess. Duh!

Come on now. Who doesn’t want cash? Who doesn’t want car? Who doesn’t want credit card, condo and country club if they can afford them?

Maliki is being disingenuous in trying not only to shift the goalposts, but to remove them entirely and to replace them with something that comes out from his ass, knowing jolly well that the millennials can no longer get the 5Cs due to those things being unattainable to most of them.

So what are the new goalposts as suggested by Maliki? Read and laugh:

“Our youths today crave memorable and purposeful experiences that emphasise the importance of the journey, instead of being fixated with the destination”

No dude. They want to get to Jurong East Interchange ASAP and wouldn’t care less about the incessant delays or overcrowding during the journey.

“Youths want to be excited about where they live, work and play, encapsulated by the You Only Live Once (YOLO) attitude.”

No dude. Recklessness is definitely not what they aspire to be.

“Our youths can look forward to raising families in homes that will boast both physical and digital connectivity. Just imagine, by leveraging artificial intelligence, smart homes could render current day household chores an afterthought.”

No dude. Feeding a crying baby is never and will never be an afterthought regardless of how fast your home internet is.

“Millennials will come to grips with the challenges of participating in the extremely competitive global labour marketplace. More will job hop, with high attrition rates in some professions – because just earning money is not enough – young people want to know that they have made a difference. They look for new experiences and learn new things as they know the possession of single or static skillsets is not sufficient to thrive amid the competition.”

No dude. Now you are just being silly like a true politician you are. This is more your own wishful thinking than the wish of millennials. This is more of your own excuse rather than the real reason for the high attrition rate. You are basically blaming job-hopping on the millennials mindset rather than the inability of the government to provide stable, good paying jobs for the youths.

“Millennials also enjoy hunting down “Instagram-worthy hangouts” and participating in various arts or sporting events, and so Singapore must be able to cater to such leisure activities”

No dude. That’s what your PM loves.

“To satisfy this new generation’s thirst for novel experiences, this government will need to partner our citizens to redefine the meaning of success, and recognise that paradoxically, it might be one that continually shifts and always gives us something new and better to aspire towards. This issues a clarion call to the government to raise our standards of public service delivery to satisfy the expectations of our people. This is our opportunity to reimagine many areas of governance such as housing, health, social services, education and transportation.”

 Seriously dude. Just STFU.

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BN’s Downfall : Are You Watching, PAP?

humptydumpty

By: B. Goode

Be afraid. Be very afraid dear card-carrying PAP comrades. Because the circumstances leading to the tsunami in Malaysian politics were eerily similar to the conditions slowly but surely developing in Singapore right now. Whether you realize it or not, you are morphing into them; arrogant, aloof, self-serving, cliquish, detached and with the penchant of looking at the big picture without seeing the finer details; of gazing at the sky whilst trampling on the grass under your feet.

The PAP has always been known as a `father-knows-best’ party. This we know. But that was okay when they had giants like Lee Kuan Yew, Goh Keng Swee, Tony Tan, Rajaratnam, Dhanabalan et al. I mean if any of those gentlemen were to tell me that my father was a communist and had to be put in cold storage, I might believe them.

But not when it is currently infested by Mickey and Minnie mice devoid of any substance or personality whose idea of being ministerial is to spew utter garbage, in perfect English of course. They have turned `looking the other way’ into an art form; totally in dissonant with the plight of the masses.

During the Zika out break, it took Mickey Mouse one whole week to come out from his bunker to say something. Then again it was to blame Singaporeans for breeding mosquitoes. And he recently got promoted.

When we complained about the flats getting more expensive and smaller, Minnie Mouse said we didn’t need a big space to have sex. And when we complained about the price of baby formula, she told us to feed our infants with any type of milk because milk is milk. And she got promoted.

And more recently, this same group of people with their heads so high up their asses that they could lick their own spleen, spent a good portion of a Parliamentary session to discuss about balloons, led by Olive Oyl who even days after that, was still nagging for an apology.

No dear Olive. We don’t want an apology. We need cheaper spinach.

Never has there been a more annoying and irrelevant congregation of lickspittles to sit in Parliament than this bunch of over-paid cooks and waitresses whose only expertise is to dish out lip service.

Frankly speaking, I could get a better lip service for $40 from the backlane of Geylang.

Just observe the recent Parliamentary sitting to debate on the speech written by Cabinet and read out by the President. Bold this. Bold that. The only thing bold is their temerity to regurgitate decades’ old ideas and plans. I mean when was the first time we heard about changing the education system? Yea that’s right. When LKY was still the PM.

And they wanted to talk about being bold when they were too chicken to even name a potential PM amongst themselves.

This arrogance perhaps stems from their sense of invincibility borne no less from their perception that the opposition are a bunch of `The Suck’ which, to be fair is not far from the truth. But the sad state of the opposition shouldn’t be the reason for the PAP to suck more. Because when push comes to shove, when the people has had enough of bullshit, tsunami will happen.

So what are the similarities between BN and PAP? Let us count the ways:

 

  1. Being led by a scandal-ridden PM who has overstayed his welcome who surrounds himself with lackeys too quick to come to his defense even to the point of talking to dead people. And a PM who seems to be lacking in political savviness. See South China Sea. He is damn good with the selfie camera though.
  2. Having a wife who is unpopular. No doubt Ho Ching is more likeable than Rosmah but both are seen as wasting public funds. One on expensive bags, the other on unprofitable investments.
  3. The high cost of living that seems to be spiraling out of control. So what did they do to assuage the people? Increase the price of water by 30%, further GST increase whilst scratching their heads for the solution to the problem.
  4. HDB flats that are getting smaller yet, increasingly unaffordable. The solution? Build smaller and smaller flats; build more rental flats; and glamorizes claustrophobic studio flats as `retirement kampungs’ and what not. If retirees could only afford to live in a flat not much bigger than the SPCA kennels, than the PAP government has failed to fulfill their promises some 40-50 years ago when these same retirees were spritely young men and women told to vote for the PAP for a better future. Their future? When stray dogs got a bigger living space them….
  5. Deluge of foreign talents (hahaha) that shows no signs of abating that has led to social problems, overcrowding, pressure on infrastructure, stagnating wages etc. So what’s the solution? None except to say that the government must be bold and remain steadfast in convincing the people that the foreign talent policy is the best. But what if the people don’t want the population to grow any further? What’s the alternative? None.
  6. The growing income gap when the poor are so poor that even the foreign workers are getting a better deal. At almost the same wages, compared to say the toilet aunties, foreign workers got free lodging, free water, free electricity, free wifi, free cooking gas, free gym, free pest control, and unbridled freedom in the dormitories that have become a hotbed of illegal activities. Want a place to store, buy and sell contrabands? Go to dormitories. Truth!
  7. This income gap is exacerbated by the perception that if you are rich enough, you belong to the almost untouchable class of the elites when even the law seems warped to your favour. And if you are an elite, you can almost be guaranteed to get a cushy job.
  8. And many more.

 

Do not underestimate the anger and sense of helplessness brewing amongst the populace and be deaf to the cacophony of complaints, lulled into a state of complacency and buoyed by a faux aura of invincibility. Your aura is slowly being chipped away by the problems besetting the country that you seem to be unable and unwilling to solve.

If Malaysians could get so fed-up that they were willing to smash the ideological and racial divide to vote for whom they used to hate, Singaporeans could too. If the Malays could vote for the DAP, if the Chinese could vote for PKR, if the PKR supporters could vote for the jailor of their leader just to see the back of BN, Singaporeans too could someday vote for this….

hhh

 

 

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Pirates Of The Klang Valley : At Wits End

pirates

By: Dato’ B. Goode

Malaysians, including thousands of new citizens from Bangladesh, Philippines, Indonesia, Rohingya, a few from Singapore (true story), Bosnia, Palestine, any Ahmad, Badul and Harris, those who will most probably pledge their allegiance to the ruling party for giving them a new lease of life, not to mention the simple-minded kampong folks will go to the polls today.

Will Asia’s very own Mugabe and his racist party retain power?

Short answer : yes

Long answer : You fucking well believe it!

Najib’s blatant attempt at manipulating the system to ensure his survival would make even Goebbles rise from the ashes and shout ‘Hail Najib!’.

Gerrymandering – Check

Fear Mongering – Check

Cash handouts – Check

Subjugating the political system – Check

Making life hard for voters to vote by having the polling day on a Wednesday – Check

Making use of national media to tar the reputation of the opposition – Check

Check, checks and more cheques.

But honestly, will it make any difference to the country and to the Malaysians whether Najib wins or loses if the alternative is Mahathir Mohamed? Will it make a difference if the choice is between Alibaba and Big Pussy Bonpansiero? They are both thieves out to enrich themselves, their families, friends and cronies.

Let’s not kid ourselves. Mahathir Mohamed is no angel. He is not known as Mister Ten Percent for nothing. He is as corrupt as Najib is albeit doing it less blatantly. At least he is not so stupid as to claim his billions of ill-gotten monies to be donation from an Arab Prince. LOL!

The corruption that has permeated Malaysia is so chronic that it has a life of its own. It is so entrenched that the Malaysians themselves seem to expect, indeed want their leaders to be corrupt. If you are not corrupted, you are not a good leader seems to be the accepted adage. That’s why the Malaysians gleefully wait with arms stretched for handouts without asking themselves where the money comes from. And over generations this has breed an entitlement and crutch mentality that can only be satisfied by corrupt politicians.

So unless there arises an honest leader who has the will and wherewithal to smash this vicious cycle of money politics, Malaysia sadly to say will remain corrupted. But finding an honest leader in Malaysia is like finding the proverbial needle in a haystack. Only difference is, in Malaysia there is not even a single needle to begin with.

But as long as there is oil to be pumped, timber to be felled, land to be sold, Arab donations to be gotten to feed the insatiable thirst for handouts, Malaysia will continue to chug along nicely and nonchalantly on the corrupted path.

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Death Of An NSman : An Unpopular Opinion

nsman

By: Cpl (Res) B. Goode

Living in this time when libertards, millennials, whiners, weaklings and keyboard warriors roam the earth, I have to wait until the funeral is over to post this rant of mine.

In any case, may the soul of NSman Private Dave Lee Han Xuan rest in peace.

Too young, too soon and utterly unnecessary.

It is however, heartwarming to note that the government will be forming an inquiry and will do a thorough investigation into the cause of death to prevent future deaths. Again.

The death of Pte Dave Lee during NS wasn’t the first and regardless of the recommendations (again) to be put forward by the inquiry, it would certainly not be the last.

In the immediate aftermath of the unfortunate death, tinfoil hatters were out in droves and were quick to blame, yes you’ve guessed it, the government.

Until the result of the inquiry is out, I will reserve judgement.

But the question that I am dying to ask is : Whatever happened to self- accountability and self-assessment?

It wouldn’t matter what safety precautions the Army had in place during an exercise. They could have a doctor every 100 meters, an ambulance even, a water point every 200 meters, or having the trainees’ maids shelter them with an umbrella, but only the trainees themselves would know how they felt.

Heatstroke is not a silent killer. You will know if you are going to have a heatstroke. You will feel unwell. Something that I am sure Pte Lee would have felt during his exercise. So why didn’t he just stop and tell his supervisor that he couldn’t carry on?

The answer perhaps was because he was afraid to be scolded by his supervisor.  Or he had a great sense of pride and wanted to finish the exercise which is a good value to have. Or he didn’t think much about it and thought that he could complete the course.

And this is where future trainees need to be educated about self-assessment and self-accountability. Most importantly they must be imparted in their young impressionable minds that sometimes, `giving your best’ can mean death. It is one thing to give your best and die in the battlefield and totally another to be the best in IPPT only to die from it.

Tell them that there is no shame in declaring that they are not feeling well prior to an exercise. Tell them that there is no shame in giving up half-way through a course because, as Spiderman said to Ironman in Infinity War before he died: ‘I feel funny’.

For the NSmen, whatever you do or don’t do during your NS stint will have no bearing in your future life. Truth. It is all about being smart. In fact, if you were too good, you might end up being the CEO of SMRT. Would you want that?

For the NSmen, know your body like you know this body:

nsman2

Or for some of you who are gay, this body:

nsman3

If not, you may end up like this body:

 

nsman4

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Cabinet Reshuffle : De-cluttering The Clusterfuck

cabinetmessy

By: B. Goode

Once in a while, it feels good to de-clutter your personal space, be it your wardrobe, workstation or in the case of this woman……

armpit

But the danger of de-cluttering is that you might end up simply re-arranging the furniture or you might find something missing like your stash of Playboy magazines that you had collected during your teenage years.

“Damnit mom!”

Take the case of PM Lee’s recent kitchen cabinet reshuffle. Three Ministers gone simply because they were too old although they were about the same age as the PM himself.

The Minister-in-charge of paranormal activities, Indranee Rajah (she sees dead people) got promoted to full Minister because we needed more women in the cabinet.

The Milk Lady, Josephine Teo got moved to a bigger Ministry although she had failed miserably in her last posting as the Minister-in-charge of breeding. In any other countries, she would have gotten the sack. But not in Singapore. Here you’ll get rewarded for mediocrity.

Masagoes looks good with a beard so yea…he gets promoted too.

And so, after re-arranging all the furniture, you might then realize that you were missing some important stuff. As in the case of the cabinet reshuffle: Where the fuck is the new PM-designate?

Singapore is one of the few countries, if not the only country in the world where the Deputy PM will not automatically assume the PMship if the incumbent is to relinquish his post.

We have slightly more than two years before the next GE when the PM has promised to step down. And yet, he is still undecided as to who will be his successor. Apparently he needs more time to assess and evaluate the three frontrunners.

His procrastination is sending the wrong signal to Singaporeans and investors alike. What’s taking him so long to decide? Are the candidates not good enough? Is he waiting for a better candidate? Is there in-fighting within the ruling party? Or he simply bochap? Or gasp! He is staying for another term?

The PAP pride themselves with political renewal as a means to maintain political stability. Yet, the PM himself has overstayed his welcome and is seemingly still reluctant to abdicate.

The declaration of his new successor is long overdue and it will go a long way towards calming the uncertainty surrounding the reasons for the delay.

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SMRT Leadership Change : A Breath Of Stale Air

stale

By: B Goode

One General out, another General in.

In out in out in out.

It’s like watching a porn movie isn’t it? It gets stale real quick.

Former defence chief Neo Kian Hong is set to replace former General Desmond Kuek as SMRT CEO after what SMRT claimed to be a global search for a replacement.

In short, nobody suitable wanted the job! Boohoo!

And why would they? It wasn’t that the SMRT was too challenging for them. On the contrary. The SMRT, to put it in context, is one of the smallest train companies in the world. It is not even the bigger companies in Singapore. Their recent $26 million profit is hardly enough to buy a house along Oxley Road. The only challenge the SMRT has is to manage customers’ expectations. Where’s the challenge in that?

So the question everyone should be asking is not why a former defence chief got the job at SMRT but why couldn’t he get a bigger and better job? He is a former defence chief ffs and yet he is now asked to play with a toy train set…

Why not try his luck in the bigger international conglomerations?

From what I‘ve gathered, Neo Kian Hong is a no-nonsense task master who gets things done. Good for him. If there’s a group of people who needs a kick up their asses, it would be the SMRT staff who are settled in their `bochap’ complacent attitude. How many times have you seen SMRT staff having a nice long chat in the coffee shop at 3 o’clock in the morning when they should be taking advantage of the short maintenance window?

And using cable-ties…..

So back to the question. Why is Mr Awesome asked to helm a small company?

And herein lies something that has been bugging me. It seems as though all the cushy jobs in the GLCs are reserved for members of a certain clique. I don’t have to explain it do I? It is as obvious as the non-existence of God.

If the government truly believed in meritocracy, then perhaps they should start putting square pegs in square holes and not to parachute in clique members even if that clique member, as in the case of General Neo Kian Hong, is over-qualified.

Just imagine his resume:

2010 – 2013 : Chief Of Defence Force of one of the most powerful army in South-East-Asia

2018 – Present : CEO of SMRT.

/sadface

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Dear Teachers : You Are Not So Special

teachers

By: Mr. B Goode (Anthropological Historian at Tun Sri Lanang Secondary)

So the government has decided to charge teachers for parking in school compounds.

Boohoo cry me a river!

So for the past one week or so, social media and the forum pages in MSM have been inundated with pleas by what I suspected are former teachers’ pets for the decision to be reverted. Arthur! Was that you?

They say that teachers, being educators are special…

Boohoo cry me another river!

If teachers are special, so are the Police Officers, the soldiers, the firefighters, in fact, almost all government servants because they perform specialized duties for the benefit of the people and the country in one way or another.

Except for the NEA officers who ambushed smokers. There’s nothing special about them. Even my mom could do what they did. And she’s dead….

Truth be told, each and everyone of us, be it government servants or otherwise, are special. Try saying to the toilet auntie that she’s not special. Go on teachers. I dare you!

So if all of us are special and we all have to pay for our parking, why not teachers? The fact that they have gotten away without paying for parking all these years should be considered a travesty.

Oh and lest they forget. Teachers are paid. Its not like they teach for free.

And another thing. If they could afford a car, what’s a few dollars of parking charges eh?

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A Strange Coupling : SMRT To Engage McLaren To Monitor Train Performance

strange coupling

NEWSFLASH : SMRT Trains and McLaren will work together on condition-monitoring solutions that are able to track and predict the performance of SMRT trains. LOL!

It is as funny as Macdonald’s asking Burger King to teach them how to cook healthy food.

When was the last time McLaren won the F1? When was the last time we had a new PM? Too long…

The SMRT-McLaren Applied Technologies team will work on customising condition-monitoring solutions to monitor the train motors, brakes, pneumatic systems and gearboxes fitted aboard one SMRT train; these will collectively serve as a test-bed for proof-of-concept. This test-bed train will in turn allow engineers from SMRT and McLaren Applied Technologies to validate the performance of an end-to-end condition-monitoring platform.

Mr Desmond Kuek, SMRT President and Group CEO, said: “In Singapore, SMRT has been pioneering the development of rail condition-monitoring sensors to minimise disruption of our commuter service, optimising train performance by detecting and rectifying emerging defects early. We look forward to collaborating with McLaren Applied Technologies to elevate this capability further, combining our engineering expertise in rail with their proven capabilities harnessing sensors, telemetry and software in motorsport. McLaren’s motorsport technology will be adapted and installed on board our first Proof-of-Concept SMRT train later this year.  When implemented fleet-wide, we expect to bring about enhanced safety, reliability and comfort for commuters on our rail network.”

We are all for new ideas and efforts to improve on the archaic MRT system and honestly wish them all the best. But we cannot help but imagine the following scenario:

McLaren : After some tests, we found that the trains were overloaded. The trains could perform better, faster and cheaper if you could reduce the passenger load.

SMRT : Err but, but, but we need to squeeze in more passengers. More passengers mean more money. In fact, we have just ordered new trains with detachable seats. Also, in order to look more inclusive, we are allowing people to bring in their PMDs, bicycles, wheelchairs, motorcycles, cars, buses, lorries and even their houses if they could fit in the trains.

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Inquiring Mind Needs To Know! : Why Carpark Gantries?

gantries

By: B Goode

Have you guys ever for some reasons or another, got stuck trying to enter a carpark?

If you guys could afford or were stupid enough to own a car in Singapore that could buy you a villa in France (true story), you’d understand the frustrations of drivers trying to enter or exit carparks because the gantries were either too slow or too intelligent; not allowing you to enter because the carpark was full thus causing you to get stuck on the ramp unable to make a u-turn. So you had to just sit there in your car for thirty minutes or more twiddling your thumb or reading the parliamentary report on test balloons from your smartphones.

Or if the gantry was unresponsive causing you to frantically press the intercom for help that took forever to come.

Or God forbid if the car infront of you was a Malaysian registered car and the driver didn’t know what `insert your cashcard’ meant.

So my question is: Why carpark gantries?

If the purpose was to collect money (duh!), wouldn’t a gantryless system like the one used by the ERP be more effective and efficient? It definitely is because the ERP system is being used by the Singapore government to collect money. I rest my case…

If the purpose was to stop cars from entering a carpark that was already full, the question would be why? Are drivers so blind and stupid not to be able to know if a carpark was full after cruising around the carpark? If the drivers wanted to wait for an empty lot so be it but at least allow other drivers who would want to find other carparks to exit and not to waste time on the ramp.

If the purpose was to prevent illegal parking, then there is such a thing as wheel clamps.

If the purpose was to prevent illegal entry of cars without the required cashcards, try doing that to the ERP….

So seriously. Why carpark gantries?

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‘I won’t Strike 4D For Seven Years’ Award : CNY Edition

All’s bad that ends well. They got to keep the angpow. So all’s good.

 

 

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Louis Ng To Civil Servants : Fuck Your Bosses If You Must!

luois ng

*photo-op of Louis Ng stroking a pussy.

By: Pearly Munn, Parliament Correspondent

Estate Manager  MP Louis Ng (Nee Soon GRC) has urged civil servants to challenge their bosses and not be afraid to speak up. In other words, if your boss happened to be any of the Ministers, SPEAK UP! DON’T SCARED! Like how he screwed Minister Khaw for the MRT debacle. Oh wait!

Or how he questioned PM Lee during the 38 Oxley Road saga. Oh wait again!

“We need to make sure we don’t have a public service filled with ‘yes sir’ men and women. To demolish this culture, we need to break our entrenched processes and bureaucracy,” said Mr Ng who is the representative for animals in Parliament.

Here is a snapshot of Louis Ng’s constituents:

According to Professor X, from the Institute of Behavioural Sciences based in Salem Center, NY, Louis Ng, who was also the founder of Animal Concerns Research and Education Society (ACRES) might be accustomed to his charges barking at him but real life doesn’t always work that way.

Louis Ng, who once cried in Parliament due to stresses of being a father, said that he formed his perception that civil servants are a bunch of lickspittles from his closed-door sessions with public servants over the past year. He however refused to disclose how many sessions he had and when. Yeah right….fake news right there.

Perhaps Louis Ng would be better off relating with humans more than with animals so as to understand better the dynamics in the work environment.

Or better still. Show the civil servants how to do it.

Come on Louis! You go gurl!

 

 

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Darwin Award Of The Day : Choo! Choo! Splat!

 

“I pity the fool!” – Mr T.

Someone died and we really shouldn’t make fun of it. So that’s why we are giving an award for it instead.

RIP whoever you are.

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Lim Thean : A Political Prostitute Extraordinaire

lt

By: B Goode

At a time when Singapore is in dire need of a credible opposition force to counter the increasingly stale and pugnacious policies of the ruling PAP government (see Budget 2018), up stepped Lim Thean, arguably the most facetious thing to ever happen to Singapore since the erection of a black statue of a white Sir Stamford Raffles.

black raffles

You can read my red flag on Lim Thean here.

Some people equate politicians to prostitutes. But not I for the simple reason I have never ever visited a prostitute in my entire life because I have my own personal one. You can call her Betty:

sex doll

Look, I paid $250 for her. She comforts me during cold lonely nights and I can hug her without her complaining about my B.O. Don’t judge.

But my friends with terror nick-names like John Bangkok, Ahmad Batam, Geylang Botak, Petain Peter and Susie the scissor queen swear on the similarities between politicians and prostitutes.

Politicians and prostitutes get paid for promising good services.

And they all lie.

A prostitute will lie about the size of your dick. A politician will lie about the size of the coffers to justify increasing taxes. Do you really know how much is in our reserves? Yup that’s right. Neither do I. But then again when it comes to money, nothing is ever enough for the ruling PAP.

And if politicians are prostitutes, then the PAP Ministers must be giving the best blow-jobs in the world considering how much they get paid….

….and the unintelligible rubbish that comes out from their gaping mouths.

But what is worse than a prostitute? Lim Thean and his ilk.

At least a prostitute will try to make you come after taking your money. Lim Thien on the other hand will leave you stranded and naked lying on the bed with delicious anticipation of a good time only for him to say: “Oops sorry I’ve got another client”.

Bitch please!

Back in October, Lim Thean solicited for donations via crowdfunding for the purpose of launching a class action suit against the CPF. I don’t know the who, how, what, when and where because frankly I don’t particularly enjoy seeing people flogging a dead horse.

Four months later, the horse is still dead and Lim Thien is nowhere to be seen presumably doing what a political whore normally does; hawking his ass in the back alleys for the downtrodden and disillusioned. Meanwhile his clients are still lying naked on a bed made from empty promises waiting for a blow job that never come.

And this has been Lim Thean’s pattern since he decided to dabble in politics after becoming a failure in life; to get donations for some cotton-picking projects that never materialized. Which makes one wonder;

Is this his deliberate ploy to support his post-retirement extravagant lifestyle? To hoodwink the anti-establishment into parting with their hard-earned money with the promise of a fake orgasm? Most importantly, are his supporters so blinkered that it affected their ability to think and reason thus making them blind to Lim Thean’s obvious gimmicks?

Prior to this, Lim Thean had also asked for $20000 donation to organize a ‘Fair Jobs For Singaporeans’ rally. Nope. Nothing happened. His clients are still waiting for their climax.

Then he had asked for donations for the purpose of producing a video on defamation laws in Singapore. Nope. Also nothing happened. By now you’d expect his clients to give up and move on to something else. But if that something else is Han Hui Hui….

hhh

So there you have it. Lim Thien, a political prostitute extraordinaire with a list of clientele who are either blind, stupid or with a taste so low that it made my ex-gf blushed.

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Singapore People’s Party : Gaming The Field

spp

By: B Goode

Back in March last year, when the Singapore People’s Party (SPP) launched the Chiam See Tong’s Sports Foundation (CSTSF), many people could sense a fishy smell coming from whichever swimming pool Ang Peng Siong, the board’s chairman was swimming in.

Don’t get me wrong. I adore Chiam See Tong. Who doesn’t?

chiam

And I idiolize Ang Peng Song like a gay man idiolizes Rupaul.

ang

But some people suspected that there was more to it than just to support sports in Singapore.

The question was, did the people who were involved in the project knew what was up the cheongsam of Lina Loh aka Lina Chiam, the foundation patron, SPP elder and wife of the foundation’s namesake?

The more cynical, and consequently the more perceptive (according to Einstein’s theory of perceptivity) amongst us believed then that the foundation was mooted merely as a political incubator to nurture and identify potential candidates to lull them into becoming full-fledged SPP members. Sort of like the Church of Scientology. Or the PAP for that matter.

But the SPP should be better than that, no? If they must, they should just try to attract new members solely via the party machinery, policies, propaganda, work and more work and not to game people’s perceptions via mendacious gimmicks such as using the good name of a respected political elder to form a Sports Foundation with the side purpose of attracting people to join the party.

And so it happened. Jose Raymond, the Deputy Chairman of the foundation has just been inducted into the SPP. Congratulations to the SPP for managing to snag quite a big fish via some reprehensible means.  Jose Raymond, if you are not too familiar with him, was a former journalist who used to serve as the Vice-President of Corporate Affairs of global pulp and paper giant Asia Pulp and Paper. Before then he was the Senior Director of at the Singapore Sports Hub. His previous appointments include helming the Singapore Environment Council as its Chief Executive Officer from September 2011 to December 2014. He has also served as a press secretary to Dr Vivian Balakrishnan at the Ministry of the Environment and Water Resources. He has also worked in various capacities under Teo Ser Luck and Teo Chee Hean. So yeah. He has been around…

So who will be the next unsuspecting target of Lina Chiam’s wily scheme? Whomever that will be, it will definitely not bode well for Chiam See Tong’s Sports Foundation simply because when sports are mixed with politics, nothing good will come out of it. That’s why sporting bodies all over the world banned politics from their games.

And we don’t have to look far to see the adverse effects of politics in sports. Just look at the shambolic local football scene.

Whatever it is, anyone who joins a political party based on things that are not political like Jose Raymond who joins SPP based on sports and charity, will soon be disenchanted and demotivated because sooner rather than later, politics will raise its ugly head to gobble and spit them out leaving them sputtering like fish out of water.

And what a waste of talents that will be.

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Is Singapore Ready For Same-Sex Marriages?

gay couple

By: B Goode

On Christmas Day, the Singapore Council of Churches reiterated their stand that there is no place in heaven for homosexuals, or words to that effect.

“SCROOGE!” shouted the Transvestites in Desker Road.

And then came the news that the Ministry of Social and Family Affairs had ruled that gay people would not be allowed to adopt a child.

‘SCROOGE!” shouted the gays along Club Street.

While many countries, the latest being Australia have recognized same-sex marriage and consequently same-sex family, why is Singapore still being anal about it?

We could of course argue that it was because of the pressure from the conservative groups; the religious bodies, straight parents, the Ahbengs, Ahmads, Thambys and the old folks. Basically the argument was that Singapore is still a conservative society.

But was that really the real reason or was it just an excuse by the government not to recognize same-sex marriage and family?

You see, Singapore’s social/political system is largely based on the heterosexual family unit. By this I mean the fact that government grants, help, tax deductibles, rebates are all tailored towards the more productive segments of society.

You want a HDB grant? Go get married with someone of the opposite sex.

You want baby grant? Go forth and multiply.

You want maternal leave? Go get pregnant.

You want paternal leave? Go make your wife pregnant.

To change all that to include gay marriages and families would not only be complicated, but would cost the government a shit load of money. And we all know how the present government is averse to thinking too much or giving away money unless it is absolutely critical and necessary; like spending millions to build a boardwalk for people to stare at trees.

“UNSUSTAINABLE!: shouted PM Lee whilst taking a selfie under a coconut tree.

But truth be told, for a country with zero natural resources that depends on its people to work day and night to pay taxes for the government to waste by getting scammed,   to grow the economy, same-sex marriages are simply counter-productive.

Homosexuality, I was once told by my pastor, was the real cause of the extinction of Dinosaurs. He was also the one who told me about Santa Claus. So it must be true!

 

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Political Renewal : Delusion And Reality

clones-thiago-costackz-body-art

By: B Goode

PM Lee is on his annual leave. In December. Always in December. Just like us plebs. I wonder if he had to draw lots with his two deputies to see who got to take leave during the much sought after holiday season.

Oh wait. The two deputies too will be taking turns to be on leave. In December. Always in December. Just like us plebs.

They are humans after all.

Speaking of being human, there is this rumour going around amongst the gossipy makciks and kakaks about Teo Ser Luck being asked to resign because of an affair with a Malay lady. I for one cannot believe that it is true. I mean, just look at his face:

Teo_Ser_Luck-L

So decent and angelic….

Hold on. Be right back. I smell smoke….

Anyway, even if the rumour was true, would it warrant him leaving politics?

And herein lies one of the main reasons for the apparent dearth in quantity and most importantly quality in Singapore politics especially in the ruling party, PAP. They expect politicians to be angels.

Find me a sinless politician and I’ll show you God.

So why limit an already small pool with some antediluvian ancient code of conduct that truly belonged in the prehistoric era when dinosaurs roamed the earth and humans didn’t exist?

If you don’t believe in God, then you’ll know that humans are just like animals; sex-driven. And even if you believe in God, then you’ll learn that the reason why we are on this planet is because Eve once decided to do sexytimes with a serpent for an apple. (It better be an iPhone8)

So if humans are well, humans, why do we expect our politicians to be angels? How many talented and passionate people have gone through our fingers because they didn’t want to be in politics for fear of eyes prying into their closets?

And if this primordial rule was imposed globally, would we have gotten great men like Gandhi, Mandela, Kennedy, Clinton, Mao et al who are/were womanizers?

In a week’s time, we will be approaching 2018. Self-imposed chastity belts on our politicians need to be loosen up. We need to be less anal-retentive regarding our expectations of our politicians. As long as what they did behind closed bedroom doors were not criminal, they should not be hounded off politics.

So what if a married MP had an extra-marital affair? As long as that would not impact on their performance, we shouldn’t care. That would be between them and their loved ones.

If we are stuck with the attitude that our politicians must be holier-than-thou, then we will be stuck with mediocre goody-two-shoes political leaders, and Ministers having to hold too many hats because capable people were afraid to join politics because of unnecessary and unnatural codes of sexual conducts.

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Arab Hypocrisy #2272 : Saudi Crown Prince Buys Painting Of Jesus Christ

Prince Mohammed bin Salmanjesus

*even Jesus is giving him the middle finger

The Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia, the custodian of the two holy mosques has once again proved the notion that money cannot buy you wisdom.

It has been reported that Prince Mohammed bin Salman, who is leading an austerity drive at home, is the bidder who paid a record US$450.3 million for a Leonardo da Vinci portrait of Jesus Christ, settling one of the art world’s biggest mysteries.

This is indeed like Stevie Wonder’s left testicle; it’s not fair and it’s not right.

While his Arab brethren in Palestine, Syria, Sudan to name just a few are grappling with day-to-day survival, Prince Mohammed decides to splurge on a painting that is not even 100% confirmed to be genuine.

Oh how the Muslim Rohingyas would love to have some of that money to alleviate their sufferings.

What’s more, in a country that mete out the death penalty for blasphemy, the Crown Prince allowed himself to buy a portrait of Jesus Christ. Like seriously dude? Is your keffiyeh too tight or what?

So next time when you hear the Saudis being holier-than-thou and other bullshit, just mention the words: Salvator Mundi.

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