By: Meena Current
Mommy’s boy and millions of ladies’ and gays’ sexual fantasy, Christiano Ronaldo also known as Crispy for his perpetual oven-baked skin and greasy hair is single again. I could already hear the collective orgasmic sighs of sluts, MILFs, wannabes, transvestites, models and lonely housewives from Bedok to Bugis Street. Finally they could fantasise again. Don’t judge!
Crispy dumped his model girlfriend Irina Shayk after she apparently refused to attend a surprise birthday celebration for his mum. Awww mommy’s boy. I remembered once I had a mommy’s boy and while he was doing me, his mom rang. And how did I know it was his mom? Because he peppered his conversation with nothing but `yes mom’, `yes mom’, `yes mom’, and after about a hundred `yes mom’s, he said he had to go and left me high and wet staring at the ceiling. Thank god I’ve got my trusted Jackrabbit triple-speed ES342G to finish the job.
But don’t get your hopes up too high ladies. Just look at what he gave up.
You gotta be better than that or stick to whatever you’ve got now. If you got any….