Some Tips For Dr Chee To Win The By-Election

chee

By: B Goode

  1. Don’t Talk Rubbish

And by that I meant your usual diatribes. Remember that you are contesting a by-election. Even if you won, you’d not make a difference to national politics. So stop harping on the airy-fairy high-polity issues such as dictatorship, democracy or lack of it, checks and balances and whatevernots. Your voters will not understand. They are from Bukit Batok. Not Bukit Timah. No offence to people in Bukit Batok. I have a lot of friends in Bukit Batok. That’s why I know these things.

  1. Talk About Rubbish

Again remember. You are contesting to be a highly-paid estate manager aka a town councilor. So you might want to talk about estate management, cleanliness, rubbish collection etc. Can you do a better job than the PAP? Can you do it cheaper? Can you employ Singaporeans? Can you rid Bukit Batok of the cardboard aunties and uncles by offering them jobs? I bet you can’t but there’s no harm bluffing trying.

  1. Distance yourself from the troll sites

As the last GE had shown, Singaporeans by and large didn’t take trolls seriously. They take them as jokes. Their endorsement is a sure death-knell to your ambition. In fact, it might already be too late. You are now practically their mascot.

  1. Soften Your Looks

This is nothing personal but you have a very dislikeable face. Someone whose face many would love to punch. Maybe it is the baggage that you are carrying. People still cannot forget how you treated uncle Chiam. Singaporeans love their uncles and aunties. But all is not lost. Change your spectacles to something nerdish. Thick, black rim will do the job. When was the last time you heard of someone punching a nerd? Never.

And grow a beard. If you can.

Good Luck! You can thank me later.

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