Much A-Moo About Nothing

cow

By: B Goode

All this mooing and cow-pey cow-booing about the price of infant formulas makes me wonder; what did people like Einstein, Gallileo, Newton et al drink when they were infants? I suspect it could be the white liquid coming from these:

breast

Conversely, what did the inmates in Changi prison drink when they were babies? If I were to believe the claptraps coming from the infant formula manufacturers, I’d go with these:

coco

It is very ironic to the point of being moronic to think that one reason why infant formulas are so damn expensive is because of the research and the chemicals that they put into plain ole’ cow’s milk to make it as close as possible to something that is natural and free. Breastmilk.

So why do mothers insist on feeding their children with expensive chemical-laden milk meant for cows and hope that their children would grow up not to be cows?

Ladies. Just plop out your teats and feed your child to save some money to firm up your breasts later on in life when your breasts start to sag if that’s what you are afraid of.

The argument is of course not all mothers could produce enough milk. But then again, how many mothers have this condition? Point being, if all mothers who could breastfeed would breastfeed their infants, all the hullaballoo about the spiralling price of infant formulas would be a moo point:

 

And of course there are mothers who forget that infant formulas are supposed to be mere supplements. Not a replacement for breastmilk.

I am not a rocket scientist. I cannot be because when I was an infant, we were so poor and my mom was so malnourished that she could only breastfeed me once a day. Other times, I was fed with fresh goatmilk which I suspect my dad added a dash of whiskey to shut me up.

Jokes aside. I was told that the government hospitals actually provided post-natal care that included providing formulas to mothers like my mom as a supplement.

Ahhh the good old days when the government spent hard-earned money on things that mattered rather than spending $30 mil to build a boardwalk for people to stare at trees….

As I said, I am not a rocket scientist but I think the reason why infant formulas are so expensive is obviously because there is a high demand for them. Why is there such a demand?

One reason is because mothers don’t want to breastfeed due to it being cumbersome. If that is the case, use a breastpump ffs. Or get your husband to pump it for you. He and you will enjoy it.

But most probably it’s because they are afraid of the adverse cosmetic effect breastfeeding may cause to their breasts.

Ladies let me tell you something. Regardless of whether you breastfeed or not, your breasts will sag!

And another thing. To many men, nothing is sexier than a pair of saggy boobs:

susan-sarandon-breasts

Truth!

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