Maliki Osman And The Shifting Goalposts


By: B. Goode

Apparently Snr Minister of State Maliki Osman has unilaterally decided for himself to be the voice of the Millennials. Not only did he believe to know the aspirations of the millennials, he also did it in typical ministerial fashion; with such faux-conviction that ironically, even the millennials couldn’t understand wtf he was trying to say.

Dude. You are already 53 years old. You are way, way past the millennial stage that you are now smacked in the middle of the uncle generation.

Damn uncles. Always telling `em youngins what to think.

In the recent parliamentary debate, without batting an eyelid and without a shred of empirical data, Uncle Maliki happily announced that the millennials no longer dreamt of attaining the 5Cs; cocks, cu…err sorry. Wrong Cs. They still dream of that, I am sure.

5Cs :  Cash, Car, Credit card, Condominium and Country club.

Hello uncle! There is a big difference between not wanting something because you have changed your desires, and not wanting something because you know that it is impossible to possess. Duh!

Come on now. Who doesn’t want cash? Who doesn’t want car? Who doesn’t want credit card, condo and country club if they can afford them?

Maliki is being disingenuous in trying not only to shift the goalposts, but to remove them entirely and to replace them with something that comes out from his ass, knowing jolly well that the millennials can no longer get the 5Cs due to those things being unattainable to most of them.

So what are the new goalposts as suggested by Maliki? Read and laugh:

“Our youths today crave memorable and purposeful experiences that emphasise the importance of the journey, instead of being fixated with the destination”

No dude. They want to get to Jurong East Interchange ASAP and wouldn’t care less about the incessant delays or overcrowding during the journey.

“Youths want to be excited about where they live, work and play, encapsulated by the You Only Live Once (YOLO) attitude.”

No dude. Recklessness is definitely not what they aspire to be.

“Our youths can look forward to raising families in homes that will boast both physical and digital connectivity. Just imagine, by leveraging artificial intelligence, smart homes could render current day household chores an afterthought.”

No dude. Feeding a crying baby is never and will never be an afterthought regardless of how fast your home internet is.

“Millennials will come to grips with the challenges of participating in the extremely competitive global labour marketplace. More will job hop, with high attrition rates in some professions – because just earning money is not enough – young people want to know that they have made a difference. They look for new experiences and learn new things as they know the possession of single or static skillsets is not sufficient to thrive amid the competition.”

No dude. Now you are just being silly like a true politician you are. This is more your own wishful thinking than the wish of millennials. This is more of your own excuse rather than the real reason for the high attrition rate. You are basically blaming job-hopping on the millennials mindset rather than the inability of the government to provide stable, good paying jobs for the youths.

“Millennials also enjoy hunting down “Instagram-worthy hangouts” and participating in various arts or sporting events, and so Singapore must be able to cater to such leisure activities”

No dude. That’s what your PM loves.

“To satisfy this new generation’s thirst for novel experiences, this government will need to partner our citizens to redefine the meaning of success, and recognise that paradoxically, it might be one that continually shifts and always gives us something new and better to aspire towards. This issues a clarion call to the government to raise our standards of public service delivery to satisfy the expectations of our people. This is our opportunity to reimagine many areas of governance such as housing, health, social services, education and transportation.”

 Seriously dude. Just STFU.

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