Author Archives: The Singapore Beacon

SMRT Leadership Change : A Breath Of Stale Air

By: B Goode One General out, another General in. In out in out in out. It’s like watching a porn movie isn’t it? It gets stale real quick. Former defence chief Neo Kian Hong is set to replace former General … Continue reading

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Dear Teachers : You Are Not So Special

By: Mr. B Goode (Anthropological Historian at Tun Sri Lanang Secondary) So the government has decided to charge teachers for parking in school compounds. Boohoo cry me a river! So for the past one week or so, social media and … Continue reading

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A Strange Coupling : SMRT To Engage McLaren To Monitor Train Performance

NEWSFLASH : SMRT Trains and McLaren will work together on condition-monitoring solutions that are able to track and predict the performance of SMRT trains. LOL! It is as funny as Macdonald’s asking Burger King to teach them how to cook … Continue reading

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Inquiring Mind Needs To Know! : Why Carpark Gantries?

By: B Goode Have you guys ever for some reasons or another, got stuck trying to enter a carpark? If you guys could afford or were stupid enough to own a car in Singapore that could buy you a villa … Continue reading

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‘I won’t Strike 4D For Seven Years’ Award : CNY Edition

All’s bad that ends well. They got to keep the angpow. So all’s good.    

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Louis Ng To Civil Servants : Fuck Your Bosses If You Must!

*photo-op of Louis Ng stroking a pussy. By: Pearly Munn, Parliament Correspondent Estate Manager  MP Louis Ng (Nee Soon GRC) has urged civil servants to challenge their bosses and not be afraid to speak up. In other words, if your … Continue reading

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Darwin Award Of The Day : Choo! Choo! Splat!

  “I pity the fool!” – Mr T. Someone died and we really shouldn’t make fun of it. So that’s why we are giving an award for it instead. RIP whoever you are.

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Lim Thean : A Political Prostitute Extraordinaire

By: B Goode At a time when Singapore is in dire need of a credible opposition force to counter the increasingly stale and pugnacious policies of the ruling PAP government (see Budget 2018), up stepped Lim Thean, arguably the most … Continue reading

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Singapore People’s Party : Gaming The Field

By: B Goode Back in March last year, when the Singapore People’s Party (SPP) launched the Chiam See Tong’s Sports Foundation (CSTSF), many people could sense a fishy smell coming from whichever swimming pool Ang Peng Siong, the board’s chairman … Continue reading

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Is Singapore Ready For Same-Sex Marriages?

By: B Goode On Christmas Day, the Singapore Council of Churches reiterated their stand that there is no place in heaven for homosexuals, or words to that effect. “SCROOGE!” shouted the Transvestites in Desker Road. And then came the news … Continue reading

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Political Renewal : Delusion And Reality

By: B Goode PM Lee is on his annual leave. In December. Always in December. Just like us plebs. I wonder if he had to draw lots with his two deputies to see who got to take leave during the … Continue reading

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Arab Hypocrisy #2272 : Saudi Crown Prince Buys Painting Of Jesus Christ

*even Jesus is giving him the middle finger The Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia, the custodian of the two holy mosques has once again proved the notion that money cannot buy you wisdom. It has been reported that Prince Mohammed … Continue reading

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O How Times Change : Communist Leader Named The Straits Times’ Asian Of The Year

When once we fought them. When once we feared them.; when once we despised them; when once those who believed in communism and Marxism were hounded, arrested and detained without trial; when even now Communist Party is still banned, The … Continue reading

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18 Years Only! (NSFW) : Sex Scandal In Malaysia KFC!

Forget Pedra Branca. Forget 1MDB. Forget Rosmah’s hair. The biggest news to deflect the Malaysian voters from the real issues of the day is a sex scandal in a KFC restaurant.  For a country obsessed with halalness to the point … Continue reading

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TSB FOOD : Chocolate Suicide Cake And Harakiri Shot

  By: Linggus Khan Ed: Linggus Khan is our new food editor. She formerly worked in the tyre department at Michelin. So if she said a food tasted like burnt rubber, she meant it. Stressed out because you were late … Continue reading

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To Laugh Or To Cry? : The Joo Koon Train Collision

Ed: Before we get bashed by the humourless liberals, we will like to extend our best wishes to the 28 people who are injured in the incident:   Was it a coincidence or a terrible curse? Everytime Minister Khaw opened … Continue reading

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SMRT : Trainspotting Gone Mad

By: B Goode After all that’s been said and done, and that will be said and done ad nauseum until the end of time (hopefully not), is the MRT system really THAT bad? I mean bad BAD like Mariah Carey’s … Continue reading

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National Day Rally 2017 : The Most Underwhelming And Uninspiring Ever!

By: B Goode PM Lee recently said that he would not appreciate `yes men’. Yes sir! Ahai Sir! Will do just that sir! Sir, about your National Day Rally (NDR) speech. Was it written the night before whilst you were … Continue reading

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The Kind Of Diabetic Inducing Dessert To Avoid

  PM Lee wants us to cut down on our sugar and calorie intake to prevent diabetes. So ladies, and some men, reduce or stop altogether this type of after dinner dessert please. It is not good for your health, … Continue reading

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Halimah’s Shoe Size

By: B Goode So, the chubby PAP boy, Zaqy Mohamad has been parachuted in from Choa Chu Kang into Marsiling to replace Halimah Yacob who has resigned to contest the upcoming Presidential Election (PE). That was fast. Of course. He … Continue reading

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